The winter wind howls through Sudbury, Massachusetts. Officer Miller sits in his parked patrol car. He sips hot coffee to stay awake. The highway is quiet. Suddenly, a massive wall of green needles appears in his headlights. It moves at forty miles per hour.
Miller blinks hard. He rubs his eyes. The object looks like a giant, rogue pine tree rolling down the asphalt. As it gets closer, Miller spots four black rubber tyres spinning beneath the branches. The tree has completely swallowed a compact car. Sprawling pine boughs wrap tightly over the roof. They drape down the doors. They cover the front windshield entirely.
Miller sets his coffee down. "You have got to be kidding me," he mutters. He flips on his blue emergency lights. The siren gives a quick wail.
The moving jungle slows down. It pulls over to the shoulder of the highway. Branches scrape against the metal guardrail with a loud crunch. Miller steps out of his cruiser. He walks cautious towards the massive conifer. He cannot see the driver. He cannot see the steering wheel. He only sees a tiny gap in the needles near the driver's side window.
Miller knocks on the branches. "State Police. Roll down your window, please."
A rustling sound echoes from inside the greenery. A hand pushes through the sharp pine needles. The window rolls down with a squeak. Inside sits Arthur, wearing a bright red festive hat. He smells strongly of fresh pine sap. He smiles warmly at the officer.
"Good evening, Officer! Merry Christmas!" Arthur says.
Miller stares at him. "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"
"Is it my taillight?" Arthur asks. He looks genuinely worried. "I checked it before I left the lot."
"Sir, I cannot even see your taillight," Miller says. He gestures to the massive wall of green. "I cannot see your car. You are driving a forest down a public highway."
Arthur looks up at the ceiling of his car. The weight of the tree makes the metal roof bow inward. "Well, my wife wanted a big tree this year. We missed the tree lighting last winter. I wanted to make this holiday truly unforgettable."
"It is unforgettable, alright," Miller replies. He pulls out his notepad. "How do you even see the road ahead of you?"
"I lean my head slightly to the left," Arthur explains. He demonstrates by tilting his neck at an extreme angle. "There is a small opening right between two main branches. I have a perfect view of the white line on the asphalt."
Miller shakes his head. "That is incredibly dangerous, sir. One sharp turn and this tree slides off. It could crush a cyclist or cause a massive pile-up. You are a hazard to everyone on the road."
Arthur’s smile fades. He looks at his dashboard. "I did not think about that. I just wanted to surprise my family. The tree lot was closing. I did not have a truck."
Miller looks at the sheer size of the pine. It is a beautiful tree, but it belongs on a flatbed, not a sedan. The officer feels a mix of frustration and amusement. He takes a photo with his camera to document the scene.
"Tell you what," Miller says, leaning close to the window. "I am not sure whether to write you a costly traffic ticket or find you a job as an official forest ranger. But you cannot drive another foot like this."
"What should I do?" Arthur asks.
"Call a tow truck with a flatbed," Miller commands. "They will transport this monster safely to your house. You will wait right here."
Arthur sighs but nods. "Yes, Officer. You are right. Safety first."
Moral: Shortcuts taken in the name of celebration can quickly lead to danger; true care for your family begins with keeping the community safe.
Based on a true story.
